By Janeen Lewis

Do you feel intimidated when you think of talking with your children’s teachers? What if your children complain about problems with their teachers? What do you do then?

I’m a parent and a teacher, so I’ve been on both sides of the teacher’s desk. Here are some tips to help you communicate and connect.

Meet and greet the teacher. Teachers like to meet parents at the beginning of the school year so that if a problem does occur, a teacher’s first encounter with a parent isn’t a call about misbehavior or academic struggles. If your school hosts a Back-to-School Night, make it a priority to attend. Introduce yourself and show your support. Making this initial contact helps break the ice.

Be involved. One of the best ways to get to know your child’s teacher is to be involved with the school and classroom. Because the beginning of school is a busy time for teachers, wait the first couple of weeks until the class has settled in, and then contact the teacher and ask, “How can I help?”

If you can’t volunteer during the day, offer to organize donations or supplies for projects by setting up a parent sign-up list online. Ask if you can cut out items the teacher has laminated, or track down supplies for a lesson. Come to after-school events, school productions, and parent-teacher conferences so that you are visible and can touch base with your child’s teacher.

If your career is related to something your child’s class is studying, offer to come in or videoconference and answer questions. 

Keep communications open and positive. Teachers welcome questions and concerns and are proactive. As a teacher, I would much rather know about a problem early so that I can deal with it in the best way. Your children’s teachers should be open to your questions and suggestions, so don’t be too intimidated to ask.

Keep up with written teacher notes, permission slips, report cards, and any other written communications the teacher sends home. Sending a quick response to a teacher’s requests makes the teacher’s job easier.

Remember to keep communications positive. If you have concerns or think the teacher has dealt unfairly with your child, don’t dash off a negative note. For sensitive conversations, call and set up a time to meet after school.

Of course, encouraging notes brighten a teacher’s day!

Get to know the teacher’s digital platform. Familiarize yourself with teachers’ digital platforms. Make sure teachers have your email and other contact information so you do not miss any electronic notifications. Tap into free trainings or tutorial videos about the digital tools the teacher uses. Investing time at the beginning will pay off throughout the school year.

Try to understand both sides. Teachers have a lot to manage in their classrooms, and with several students to supervise, sometimes they make mistakes or don’t see every problem. Your child may think something happened in class that wasn’t fair, and it’s easy as parents to react emotionally and blame the teacher. But support the teacher as much as possible while you gather information about what happened. Try to help your child see the teacher’s point of view, and talk about how people can have differences and still work together to succeed.

Advocate for your child. Don’t be afraid to speak up if a problem in your children’s class becomes pervasive. If your children’s grades start to slip, they are continually unhappy, or you suspect they are being bullied, work with their teachers to devise a plan to help.

Make a change as a last resort. Sometimes children have personality conflicts with their teachers. This actually offers a growth opportunity if teachers and students can work together in a respectful and productive manner. After all, this is what children will need to be able to do when they grow up. But if problems persist, it may be time to request a conference with the teacher and an administrator, and discuss your options.

Understand that teachers are human. Most of the teachers I know are caring individuals who want to make a difference in the lives of the children they teach. Often, they are parents too, and although it is hard to imagine, at one time they were students who lived through awkward growth spurts, problems with peers, lost homework, and braces. They understand what parents and kids are going through, and they strive to build a positive connection between school and home. 

Janeen Lewis is a teacher, writer, and mom. She has been published in several parenting publications, and in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Teacher Tales.