By Shannon Carpenter

Words of Get Me a Snack After a long day of cutting cucumbers into little shapes so your children will eat the “fun snacks,” nothing lets a parent know they are loved more than someone else fixing them a snack. For those that feel affection by Words of Get Me a Snack, just the thought of someone else getting them food for a change makes their chocolate hearts melt. So, to make sure your parent really knows that they are loved, whisper the words luxury chocolate, hummus with crackers, or the French phrase Crudité You Don’t Have to Share.

Acts of Cleaning the Kitchen To those whose love language is Acts of Cleaning the Kitchen, nothing means as much to them as a clean pot. Or maybe load the dishwasher. It doesn’t even have to be right. Put the silverware scattered in the top near the glasses, lay plates horizontally, whatever. Those who speak this love language are so desperate that they really don’t care. Is it that hard to ask for just one clean counter when you wake up in the morning? 

Receiving Every Cold and Flu Going Around Daycare Flowers, new cars, and luxury vacations mean nothing to the parents whose love language is Receiving Every Cold and Flu Going Around Daycare. What they want is a sneeze to the face. Get those little person germs right into their open mouth. These parents have resigned themselves to the fact that no matter what they do, they are going to get sick exactly one day later after their toddler comes home with the sniffles. So even if they have a perfect solo vacation planned, it’s going to be spent with their head hanging over the bed and reaching for the trash can. Don’t make them wait for the glorious gift of stomach issues combined with a splitting headache.

Quality Time by Myself in the Bathroom Nothing shows a person how much you love them by not knocking on the bathroom door. When you feel the need to knock on the bathroom door because the wrong episode of Sesame Street is on, put down your little toddler fist of fury. The parent that speaks this love language just wants a few moments of alone time and perhaps a long phone charging cord.

Don’t Physically Touch Me Who doesn’t like to be poked all day, be hung on like a jungle gym, or kicked in the shins because they can’t play in the garbage? Parents who speak the love language Don’t Physically Touch Me. It’s the most effective around the middle of the night and the third time they’ve gotten up because you can’t sleep. Well, maybe if you didn’t sneak that sugary snack when the parent’s back was turned things would have worked out better. So to show your parents true love, send them a letter and go poke the dog for a little bit.

Shannon Carpenter is a professional humorist and the author of The Ultimate Stay-at-Home Dad: Your Essential Manual for Being an Awesome Full-Time Father.