Paul Drake with Evan and Emily at the beach.

A Tribute to Modern Dads

Children no longer run just to their mother. Today, they run to their mother and father. So who is this ‘Modern Dad’? According to John Badalament, author of The Modern Dad’s Dilemma, “Over the last half-century, women have traveled a great distance from home into the world of work…Modern dads are just starting out on the road that leads back home. Being a father is not something you are; it’s something you do.”

A modern dad is pro-active. He leaves work early to make a game and stays up late with a sick child. You find him pushing strollers, changing diapers and attending parent-teacher conferences at school. The modern dad is determined to show up for his family and pay more attention to what really matters: relationships at home.
We are fortunate to have some local modern dads share their insights and even a little survival advice about their experiences.

Justin Shipman, father of Max (9), admits that technology plays a key role in the modern dad dilemma. “Kids can have access to all kinds of information. It may not be what you want your kids to have access to. ‘Parental Controls’ have expanded dramatically. While there were many information sources available when I was growing up, they were no where near as instantaneous as today.”
The National PTA only recently elected its first male president: school PTAs have been mostly a mother’s domain. Shipman suggests a modern dad “get involved with your child’s activities. Volunteer when you can. Focus on something that you really like to do with your child and see if you can get involved. Schools and other organizations are always looking for help and this teaches your child to participate in
the community.”

Tom Robinson, father of Nate (4) and Evvy (9 mos.), enjoys being a vital part of his kids’ lives. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s sad that for generations, fathers missed out on all the benefits of being “Mr. Mom” (read: modern dad). However, I’ve had to learn to dig deep to reconcile conflicting emotions after leaving my kid with someone else for the day. Leaving your pleading child is traumatic. Sometimes I would question whether we should have two bread-winners and thus the need for day care. In the end I had to learn to just walk away and trust the daycare providers. I’ve heard people say that it’s easier on the kid if dad drops off because the bond with mommy is stronger. I don’t know. You can create a pretty strong bond as dad.”

For Albert Kong, father of Ling Mae (9) and Tyler (8), being a modern dad had some revelations: “One thing I never thought about before becoming a dad is the fact that you have to walk the walk and not just talk. It keeps you honest for sure. Also, today you learn to take a more compassionate approach. I could say all the stuff that everyone says, ‘The time goes by fast,’ ‘Enjoy it while you can,’ ‘Don’t be afraid to laugh with your kids’…but it’s like trying to explain to someone what Yosemite looks like…you just have to be there because me telling you means nothing.”

In this rapidly changing and unpredictable world, Paul Drake, father of Evan (13) and Emily (10), had “developed a conflicting sense of hope for my kids’ future and worried about them living in a world that can, at times, be quite frightening. I feared not being able to respond adequately to media and peer pressures and struggling to guide my children in the face of these powerful forces. What I did not expect, and have been blown away by, is the courage and wisdom my kids and their friends have that I know my friends and I did not have at their age.”

Being a single, modern dad comes with a whole new set of challenges! Keith Kelly, a single dad of two very active little gentlemen admits, ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’ Ask for help when you need it. I hate asking for help, but you have to more often than not. I always imagined being a father would be fun, challenging, fulfilling and sometimes down right exhausting. I have not been disappointed on any count!”

Ukiah dad Sage Sangiacomo, (on the cover) has learned more than parenting skills from being a modern dad. “ My wife would say I am somewhat of a skilled parade float designer. Each year our sons participate in the Ukiah PumpkinFest parade. It has become a family tradition we all look forward to and have fun putting the float together. I must admit, being a parent is even more rewarding than I ever dreamed. Our boys can change my day with a smile, laugh, or hug. It’s an amazing thing to have your heart walking around outside of your body.”

In his book, Badalament praises the Modern Dads because they are devoting themselves to something or someone greater and bringing themselves more fully and equally into their relationships at home. “Being a dedicated dad, a loving partner or husband, a faithful friend and a committed family and community member requires courage unlike the kind we see depicted in action movies or television dramas. Courage is an inner strength, a strength of the heart.”

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About the Author:
The Modern Dad’s Dilemma by John Badalament provides a collection of everyday stories of modern dads as well as practical skills and activities to help you stay connected, both with your children and your partner. It is written for all dads with children of all ages.

John Badalament, EDM, is a Harvard-trained educator, leading expert on fatherhood, and author. He is also the director of the acclaimed PBS documentary All Men Are Sons: Exploring the Legacy of Fatherhood. His work has been featured in the New York Times and other publications. www.moderndads.net.