By Cheryl Maguire

I always wondered what it would be like to be a celebrity. I imagined it would be wonderful and glamorous. I never really thought about the downside. Now that I reside with two real-life celebrities, I’ve found that even going to a restaurant can be a major undertaking.

On our most recent trip to a restaurant, a large crowd was gathered outside. The best route into the place was discussed. We opted for the side door since there seemed to be fewer people near that entrance. Quickly, we made our way to the hostess, trying to protect our celebrities. All of a sudden, the hostess noticed them, and the questions began. “Oh, are they twins? Are they identical? How old are they?”

Amazing! I thought to myself. She managed to hit the trifecta of questions all in one breath. I quickly answered all of her questions, only to have her respond with the most popular comment, “Oh, a boy and girl. Now you don’t need to have any more babies!” I never realized how many people feel that a boy and a girl constitute the “perfect” American family.

I looked at my watch as the hostess babbled on to the other assistant, my spouse. Celebrities can be very demanding. If they don’t get their way, right away, the whole world is going to hear about it, so I tried to move things along. We were finally seated at our table.

I started to feel the stares all around me. I tried to avoid making eye contact. The little boy at the next table was not going to be avoided. Suddenly he was at our table trying to touch the celebrities. His parents didn’t even try to stop him. In fact, they saw it as an invitation to ask questions and make comments. I quickly answered them, “Yes, they are twins. They are six months old. They are a boy and a girl. No, they are not identical.” That last question always boggles my mind. Even though I say they are boy/girl twins, people still ask if they are identical. After explaining some basic biology facts, I usually get one of two reactions: Some people realize their question might have been a little silly and others just look confused. For the confused ones, I just try to smile politely and move on.

After answering the questions, I turned my attention to my celebrities and the other celebrity assistant, and I tried to enjoy a peaceful meal. I noticed that the couple next to us was talking about us as if we couldn’t hear them. Soon, their little boy had found his way back to our table.

A waitress arrived, but I quickly realized that it was not our server. “I was in the kitchen and heard about the twins. I just had to see them for myself,” she said. The questions began, followed by the standard comments.

I turned to the other assistant, who nodded at me. We realized that this situation was just not working out. We got the meal to go and quickly made our exit.

Even though it can be challenging at times to be a celebrity assistant, I will admit it can be lots of fun as well. Celebrities can be quite entertaining. In fact, there isn’t a day that goes by when they don’t make me laugh about something. They are always testing out their vocal cords and trying out all kinds of crazy moves.

Oh, who am I kidding—I love every minute of it! 

Cheryl Maguire has a master’s degree in counseling psychology and is a freelance writer.