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Sonoma Family Life Magazine

If Only They Were Always Cute

By Heidi Morris

Babies bring about all sorts of experiences with them, and some of them are just plain awkward. No matter how well prepared you feel for that bundle of joy, there will come moments when you won’t know what to do. Babies are particularly good at causing scenes, and they don’t even need random screaming sessions to do it. It all will get better. But here are some of those moments you may never forget.

The Wet Spot on the Shirt If you decide to breastfeed your baby, you will probably feel relieved when she sucks for the first time and the milk flows. It may be a little painful at first, but you will be glad that you have enough milk to feed her—and then the endless flow will arrive. As the baby won’t be feeding non-stop, the breasts may fill up and well, spill. This is a good thing if your little one is constantly hungry. What, however, you won’t be prepared for is the overflow. Fancy walking about with two big wet spots around your nipples. When those spots just keep getting bigger, you will jump into the nearest store, get some breast pads, and then run to the washroom.

The Humiliating Smack on the Boob One day, you will let out your boob in public to feed your little cozy bundle. Then, as you look down into her eyes with all the love and affection you can muster, said bundle will lift her tiny hand and smack you hard on the boob. Everyone will look at you and find it amusing, and the baby will have driven home her message: “Take it out faster next time.”

The Pooper You take off your baby’s diaper and she starts to cry. So, to calm her, you decide to pick her up for a quick feed before fastening a fresh diaper. You start nursing her and two minutes later something warm and moist is on your lap. When you realize what just happened, you want to scream. Welcome to the wonderful world of motherhood.

The Unexpected Colic Imagine a cool night when you decide to treat yourself to a meal at a Chinese restaurant that you last visited when you still had cravings and a bulging belly. Your baby is calm and even giggling in his car seat—until you pick him up. Then the little one screams, kicks, and yells, not accepting any amount of soothing. Everyone is looking at you and you are made to understand that you are a nuisance. You have to pick up your crying child and go back home.

Conclusively, babies do have a mind of their own. Being a loving mother, however, you are left with no choice but to clean up, forget all about it, and perhaps even laugh it out later. 

Heidi Morris is the author of the parenting/lifestyle blog Textbook Mommy at