By Christina Katz

Can you anxiety-proof your kids? Probably not completely—especially during the pandemic—but, using these tips, you can help them feel calmer.

Affirm nerves are normal. Wouldn’t life be dull if there was never anything to get anxious about? Of course it would. Talk to your child about facing, showing up for, and walking through life’s challenges and how all of this makes us stronger and more confident. You might be tempted to minimize challenges for an emotionally sensitive child, but confronting a steady, manageable flow of age-appropriate challenges is not only educational in the short run, it’s also healthy in the long run.

Teach self-soothing. Multi-sensory experiences can immediately shift a child out of a nervous mood: taking a bath, singing songs out loud, or vigorously exercising outdoors. Experiment with tension-relieving activities in low-pressure settings so you have something to turn to when you need it. Get in the life-long habit of consciously lowering anxiousness and then redirecting attention in a more productive manner.

Let excitement feel scary. Is your child excited? Even healthy excitement can feel a little scary sometimes. Not knowing how things will turn out usually makes the heart rate go up and is part of the joy of living. We don’t get to control every outcome, which leads to suspense. So our job is to feel the excitement, show up, and put one foot in front of the other, whether things always go our way or not.

Pack three meals plus two protein snacks. Make sure your child is not suffering from low blood sugar, which can increase anxiety. If your child shows signs of sugar lows, like shaky hands or emotional outbursts between meals, blood sugar might be an issue. Make a habit of grabbing a sandwich or a protein pack before a stressful event, no matter what the time of day.

Avoid sugar and caffeine. Avoid sodas and candy. Consider eliminating all foods with high fructose corn syrup from your family’s diet. If your child has food sensitivities or allergies, take steps to address them so foods don’t become an anxiety trigger. If sugar and caffeine are often consumed, let them follow meals so they don’t trigger a blood sugar roller coaster.

Accept personality quirks. Never assume your child can handle something simply because you would have been able to handle it or because your child’s siblings or friends can. Part of letting your child be an individual is not comparing her to others. After a challenging experience, ask her how she feels, rather than assuming how she should feel. Be interested in the ways your child experiences life differently from you and from others. Support her individuality by validating her uniqueness.

Cheer them on. We have so many jobs as parents, but being a cheerleader is one of our most important roles. Don’t take yourself so seriously as a grown-up that you can’t come down to your child’s level and say, “You can do it!” Your child needs you next to her, encouraging her, not scowling down from on high, fretting about outcomes. If you want your kids to be brave, don’t pressure them— cheer them on instead.

Weather disappointments. As a parent, you must be able to see your child cry without over-reacting. Teaching a child to avoid crying at all costs is like saying that experiencing disappointment or sadness makes them weak. When we teach kids to embrace challenging emotions, to dig deep and be honest so they can express feelings no matter how challenging in the moment, they become more resilient, empathetic citizens.

Reward bravery. We live in a fairly unpredictable world, so it’s a great idea to teach kids how to take healthy risks. Kids who learn to push themselves to achieve goals will have less energy to channel into risky or adrenaline-fueled behavior. A great end-of-the-week dinner topic for families is: Who gets to wear an invisible crown of bravery? Reward the daring, rather than the results, and then kids will learn that courage is its own reward.  

When to Seek Professional Help

If your child consistently displays the following symptoms, consult a mental health professional.

1. Anxiousness to the point of headaches, stomachaches, and tiredness with no other known physical cause.

2. Chronic sleeping problems, including going to sleep, waking up, or staying asleep.

3. Low self-esteem characterized by being excessively hard on the self for no logical reason.

4. Consistent excessive worry about everyday things such as school, friends, grades, teachers, etc.

5. Avoiding school, withdrawing from friends, being irritable with authority figures, experiencing successive high-highs and low-lows, using substances, obsessing over food and weight, or other self-destructive behaviors.

Christina Katz is an author and writing coach.