By Cheryl Maguire

When I became a mom of boy/girl twins, I had twice as much laundry, diapers, and crying as my mom friends of singletons. What I didn’t know at the time was that I also had twice as much Attention Deficient Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). There were plenty of clues along the way but my son didn’t get diagnosed until age 8 and his twin sister until age 15. Unfortunately, their gender differences might be one of the main reasons why there is a seven-year variance between the time that they were diagnosed. My twins recently graduated from high school and here’s what we found helpful to be successful during the past four years:

Routines are essential — The biggest issue my children have in relation to ADHD is forgetting things. On more than one occasion they would spend hours completing a project only to forget it at home. 

Routines and schedules help behaviors become habits rather than things to remember. For example, they would pack their bags the night before going to school and then place them by the front door. This way they can see them before they leave the house and remember to take them. Next to their bag would be any large projects or sports equipment.

External reminders — Another helpful tip is to use technology. There are plenty of phone apps to help them with their ADHD but the easiest technique is to use reminder alerts. Anytime they say, “I forgot,” I respond with, “Then next time set a reminder alert on your phone.” 

Regular communication with teachers — At the beginning of the school year, I always made a point to speak with all of their teachers and offered them my cell phone and email to open the lines of communication. We discussed what helped my kids to learn in previous years like a seat in the front row or visual pictures. I also let teachers know my kids truly care about school even though it might seem like they are not paying attention at times.

Furthermore, I ask to be contacted if grades are slipping or they aren’t handing in assignments. If kids are having trouble paying attention it tends to “snowball” without them realizing it. If we can prevent the avalanche, it makes for a much better school year.

Accommodations can be helpful — Children with ADHD may qualify for an Individual Education Plan (IEP) or a 504 plan. To qualify for an IEP, usually your child would need to have a learning disability diagnosis along with ADHD but sometimes an ADHD only diagnosis is enough. IEP students receive special education services whereas students on 504 plans only have regular education services. On both plans, one can receive accommodations for ADHD, such as preferential seating, testing in a distraction-free setting, and additional time on tests or homework.

Most teachers want their students to be successful. Even if a student doesn’t have an official plan, educators can work with the student to make sure the learning environment is accommodating.

Sleep, diet, and exercise are more important than you realize — If my twins were having a hard time paying attention I might ask, “What time did you go to sleep last night?” Or if they were struggling to focus on their homework I might ask, “What did you eat for dinner?” They both enjoy exercising with sports teams or strength training on their own … a physical release to balance the mental energy required to focus all day!

Teach them to advocate for themselves — My son really struggled with this when he was younger but slowly learned how to advocate for accommodations that helped him be successful. During his senior year, one of his teachers told me that he asked her, “Can I please finish this project after school since I’m having trouble focusing right now?” I had tears in my eyes hearing this, knowing that he would have never done this even a year ago.

While it is sometimes OK to bring them that forgotten project, allowing them to advocate for themselves is the best lesson — and that’s true of students with or without ADHD. 

Cheryl Maguire holds a Master of Counseling Psychology degree and is a married mother of twins and a daughter. Her writing has been published in The New York Times, National Geographic, Parents Magazine, and many other publications. She is a professional member of ASJA. You can find her on X @CherylMaguire05.