By Christina Katz

Gratitude fills us up. Inner appreciation helps us stop needing things outside ourselves for satisfaction. At Thanksgiving and year-round, attitude strengthens relationships, reduces stress, improves health, and helps us feel happier.

But maybe your family has gotten away from noticing what they appreciate. Gratitude isn’t automatic, after all. But it is a habit you can practice in a few simple steps. Follow these steps to get back in the gratitude groove.

Step one: Put the kibosh on complaining, criticizing, or gossiping for a specified amount of time like one week or even a month. Discuss the meaning of these three words with your family. Playfully bust each other when one of you breaks a rule. You will, and that’s OK. Build awareness of negative habits rather than shaming, and then redirect attention in a more positive direction.

Step two: Explain that having legitimate needs and expressing them is important. If negative communication persists, try interrupting them with the question, “What do you need right now?” You might discover that meeting basic needs helps everyone shift into a more positive attitude. And don’t be afraid to ask yourself, “What do I need?” Once everyoner is getting needs met, or at least getting needs on a schedule to be met, gratitude flows in.

Step three: Recognize what you feel grateful for throughout the day. Try to pause several times a day when you feel happy and discover the source, so you can model the habit for the rest of your family.

Step four: Acknowledge something you feel grateful about by writing it down or saying it aloud to someone else. Or do both. Gratitude becomes more positive when appreciated by you and others.

Step five: After you recognize something to feel grateful for, sit with it for at least a count of 10. Make your gratitude process at least as long as several deep breaths. This way you make something positive a little bigger and start to reap the benefits of your gratitude practice immediately. 

Need more help? Try these techniques until they become habits ...

1. Find something around you right now to appreciate. Look around the room. What do you see, smell, hear, taste, or feel? Our senses help us connect with our appreciation.

2. Notice how children set an example of spontaneous gratitude and follow their leads. Approach your day through a child’s eyes.

3. Post reminders of things you appreciate about family members on sticky notes. Leave a message on the coffee pot for your spouse. Put a note in with lunch. Get in the habit of leaving notes on go-to screens throughout the house.

4. Keep an ongoing list of something you are grateful for right now. Use the notes app in your smart phone to keep track or keep a memo pad in your purse.

5. Write something you appreciated on the calendar as the sun sets each day. Then look back at your calendar and remember the month fondly.

6. Take a moment to recollect what inspires awe in you whether changing seasons, a person who lifts you up, or someone who is really good at what they do. Check in regularly with these inspiring touchstones.

7. Appreciate mistakes you make. Tell your children stories of how bouncing back from misjudgments makes you a more humble person, who is not afraid to be human.

8. Say something kind to someone. Tell folks what you admire about them. If you like what a person is wearing, say so. 

9. Discuss lessons learned in the past. Turn them into a list of character-building stories about your life.

10. Appreciate something with another person. Remarking, “It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” helps you both focus on the positive.

11. Don’t keep good news to yourself. Notice good service and offer feedback about it before you forget. If you can’t get your hands on a comment card, ask to speak to a manager and report good employees.

12. At a weekend meal, ask everyone to share best moments of the week. You can do this around the dinner table or at tuck-in time. Even once a week is better than never. If kids are feeling down, ask for a positive and a negative memory to balance feelings.

13. Thank someone daily for something no matter how small. If you want your kids to be more grateful, thank them for things you appreciate. Gratitude begets gratitude.

14. Appreciate nature and the earth. Stop to smell a flower or pick up a pretty stone to take home and display.

15. In moments that are hard, appreciate the opportunity to grow in character, even if you don’t like what is happening. 

16. Be as present as possible when interacting with others. Put your phone down or stop what you are doing. Be attentive, not distracted.

17. Find a cause and contribute time, money, or energy. Then be sure to share the experience with your kids.

18. Accept a compliment, whenever one is offered. Stop, smile, and say thank you. Practice self-kindness so you can offer kindness to others.

19. Use your phone to alert you to pause for a moment and find something to feel grateful about. Add it to your gratitude list or just relax for a minute and savor the moment. v

Author, journalist and writing coach Christina Katz flexes her happy muscles daily by stopping and appreciating the little things as well as the people around her.