By Shannon Dean

Just as elementary students reach academic and social proficiency in their current school, they’re about to transition to a period of physical, emotional, social, and intellectual growth.

Although pre-adolescents don’t always show it with their words or actions, they need their parents’ love, involvement, and support every bit as much as they did in elementary school. Come fall, they may face unique challenges that isolate them at a time when they need your increased reassurance. Here are some examples:

They Need To Fit In. Many beginning middle schoolers have specific worries about looking out of place. They worry about navigating a larger facility, navigating a locker or a very heavy backpack, being on time for their next class, and juggling several different teachers. Add in changing hormones, the beginnings of peer pressure, and tweens’ tendency to view everything as a crisis, and the result can be an enormous amount of anxiety.

You can help ease these fears by visiting the school prior to the first day and making sure your child has walked through his daily routine enough times to feel comfortable. Remind him to tape his schedule, locker combination (if applicable), and e-text passwords inside a folder or in the notes section of his phone.

Since self-esteem is tied to feelings of acceptance, pre-teens may covet the clothes, hairstyles, and hobbies embraced by their friends. Although it may be hard to accept, experts encourage parents to give kids some freedom with their appearance.

They Have To Quickly Learn Organization. The National Education Association recommends that students spend 10 minutes per grade level on homework each night. That equates to 60-80 minutes nightly for middle schoolers.

Because keeping track of all of these assignments and their deadlines is such a challenge, teachers advise that students have a separate, designated homework folder or agenda to record obligations. Review the homework folder daily and help your student decipher what teachers expect over the short and long term.

You may need to help your child break down assignments into smaller chunks to avoid overload, especially at first. Determine a time estimate for each task so that your child doesn’t inadvertently overcommit himself or procrastinate.

This new workload can be an adjustment, so help your student set up a regular time and place where he can comfortably complete assignments without being disturbed by siblings, electronics, or other distractions.

They May Face Peer Pressure. Experts say that parents should address peer pressure well before the first day of school by speaking freely about their values, sharing their own experiences, and helping their child find ways to respect their wishes but still fit in.

Offer acceptable ways to escape risky situations. Role-play to find face-saving one-liners like, “I couldn’t go to the mall with you this weekend if my mom caught me skipping class.”

Pick a code word or phrase to use when she needs you to bail her out of an uncomfortable situation, but can’t say so. For example, when she calls you mother instead of mom, this means that she needs your help, but can’t explain why in front of her friends.

Do everything in your power to arm your child with high self-esteem, respect for herself and others, and strong moral standards. “When a person believes in herself, she is more likely to make the right decisions in difficult moments,” said Mike Domitrz, creator of Safer Choices, an interactive program for schools. “Students with low self-esteem are more likely to lower their standards to please others — a very dangerous and unhealthy behavior.”

They Still Need Your Continued Involvement. The start of middle school has the potential to be a difficult adjustment, but it can also be an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your tween.

Try to see this transition as an opportunity to reinforce your family’s values and to remain as connected as you have always been. 

Cynthia Uhlrich Tobias, the co-author of Middle School: The Inside Story: What Kids Tell Us, But Don’t Tell You, assures parents that these years can actually be advantageous: “Instead of just barely hanging on and riding out these middle school years, this stretch of your lives together can be a time that enriches and deepens your relationship in ways you never thought possible.”

Many experts stress that loving parental involvement is critical to how successfully preteens navigate these turbulent years. Most of the time, they actually want your continued and loving support — even if they insist otherwise. 

Shannon Dean is the mother of two and a freelance writer who enjoys covering the health and well-being of families.